im six kinds of drunk right now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
