She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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