He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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