I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
