I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
