How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
