The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
