My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
