dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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