I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
