Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
