at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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