I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
