Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
