Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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