i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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