Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
