There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
