I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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