i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
