I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
