dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
