I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
