I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
