ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
