I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
