He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
