I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i think my tv is drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
