U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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