Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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