remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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