Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I skipped work to stalk him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
