This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
