This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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