how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you had me at cake vodka
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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