I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
