And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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