Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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