I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
