I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
