I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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