I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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