did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
