Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
