mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
