you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
