that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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