You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
FUCK WHALES
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
