I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
