You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
